He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
