i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
