I wannas sexs uuuuu
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
