i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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