Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
