Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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