So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
