So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i barfeds in our rink
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
