i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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