I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
