dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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