I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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