we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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