Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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