Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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