In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we're so committed to being not committed
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