She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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