All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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