do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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