do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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