The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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