I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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