i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
