ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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