I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
