fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
