i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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