Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
