i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
