She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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