Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
