I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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