There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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