mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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