The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
