i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
