we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i now understand why vodka
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
