She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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