Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
