Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
