I think my vagina is haunted
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
