is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
