Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
