So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
