he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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