I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
