You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
