I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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