you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
