I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
