I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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