SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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