What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i've created a new STD.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
