I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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