if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
