I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
