I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
