Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
