Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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