Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My balls are so social today.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
