Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
