so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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