I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
