I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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