did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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