i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
did i walk over a car last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
