You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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