i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
