Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
