Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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