the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
