I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize