Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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