therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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