And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
